Mental Rejuvination

I have a curse.  Clearly this curse only allows me to post twice a year (*ahem* procrastination).  But the biggest reason I have to write right now is having a revelation.  After feeling a bit down and discouraged the past couple of days I'm pleased to say I am extremely rejuvinated.  This is not the "I went to the spa and had a massage and facial" rejuvination kind of way, although that would be nice. This is the I got my negative nancy thoughts off of my chest and out of my mind and recieved advice on how to put the pep back in my step.

I have the fortune of having an extremely wonderful core group of people that I can talk to. After talking to a wonderful woman about my fears and apprehensions about my future she pointed out that you can indeed be your own destruction. Now, this is quite a concept for me....how could I possibly be my own destruction? Luckily I am a huge advocate of constructive criticism.  So here are things that were pointed out to me, and things I vow to change.

1. Don't Compare Yourself to Others:  This is so hard to not do.  You see someone in a position you want you are naturally going to compare yourself to them.  What are they doing that I can't do?  What makes them so special?  etc. etc.   This is bad because you stop focusing on perfecting your own being.  You stop focusing on getting your skills and mindset in the right place.  So my goal is to stop comparing myself to people and instead ask them to teach me so that I can absorb their knowledge and exptertise. 
2. Be Aware of Your Surroundings: It is easy to let everyday become mundane.  To get stuck in a rut and a routine.  Obviously this is negative.  You get bored and become robatic, people can tell you are only going through the motions because you have to.  Find something to ignite your passion again and it will make your task that much more exciting.
3. Spread Positivity:  This pretty much speaks for itself.  Be postive and it is going to rub off.  Smile at everyone, even if they look like grumpy cat.

While this is not everything I took out of my heart to heart last night these are the important ones to me.  It is easy to get down on oneself, to tell yourself that you aren't cut out for something or to generally mak yourself feel like crap.  I'm reading a book by Kelly Cutrone titles If You Have to Cry Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You in which she says.

This is an important lesson to remember when you're having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year.  Things will change: you won't feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs the most.  I belive you can't feel real joy unless you've felt heartache.  You can't have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail.  You can't know what it's like to feel holy until you know what it's like to feel really fucking evil. 

 I've read this book before and I'm reading it again because she is a powerhouse woman.  Every woman should have some kind of powerhouse woman in their life, if not many.  She inspires and reminds me that everyone is going to have a discouraging day (some worse than others) but those moments will make you appreciate the sweet ones even more.

Tough lady, but inspiring. Kelly Cutrone

One last note on power women.  I have the fortune of having many powerhouse women in my life.  This is probably much of the reason that I am as strong as I am.  But I have to shoutout this particular one because I believe it is a sign that I ran into her today.  From 6th-8th grade I had the same English/Literature teacher. She challenged me academically, strengthened my writing skills and made me love school.  The things she taught me I carried with me throughout my entire academic career.  She was one of my inspirations, a strong and smart woman.  I had long desired to find a way to tell her how much she impacted my life, but never had a way.  I think the universe works in mysterious ways since in a 24 hour time span I was able to have a revelation about looking up and then I was able to run into a major influence in my life, which reminded me that I am going to continue to grow.  

Major Life Choices

I've reached a fork in the road in my life, I wish I knew exactly what to do.  I sort of hope that something would fall from the sky, hit me in the head and tell me exactly where to go, what to do and who to turn to along the way for the right answers.  Unfortunately that is not the case, there is no instruction booklet that says "do 'a' and 'b' will be the outcome."  You cannot remotely know what to expect in life.  The past month I have had a series of curve balls thrown at me from left and right field (all at the same time) and I'm not very good with hand-eye coordination.  Seriously I've been hit in the face and upper body region with more baseballs (and all other sports balls) than I care to recall, but I digress.

I am at a point in my life where I am job hunting again.  I have a clean slate and I know that somehow it is a sign to move on, but I don't know if I should straight up look for options in places that are not Ohio or if I should look harder in Ohio.  I have friends who have no problems picking up and moving and I know people who have searched and searched here.  I have an inspiration, someone who has moved regardless of how much it sucks and they have done it twice within the past 12 months, they are chasing their dreams they are making the best of the situation and it just pushes me to be brave.  I wish I could be like that, pick up and go, take a plunge.  I miss my bravery, the girl who had no problem taking on "impossible" challenges from the boys on the playground and who could do a flip on the monkey bars w/o blinking.  Slowly throughout the years I've lost that and I'm not quite sure why.

I'm headstrong, smart and always willing to take on a challenge when posed with an obstacle, but there is something about moving that just freaks me out...the uncertainty, the possibility you'll have to move back home, lonliness?  I don't know what it is but I know I'm not the only one with these fears.  Maybe it's just because I don't know what I want to do...get my master's, pursue a career in an amazing city, change professions (cosmetology has always interested me) but I do love the world of Marketing & Public Relations.

This is how all this thinking makes me feel; goofy & not sure what to caption this pic as.

This writing of course is always very therapeutic to me.  Ever since I can remember I have picked up a journal and a pen when things are troubling me or when I'm excited or in love...oh hell whenever there was something I wanted to keepsake.  I think in due time I'll decide concretely, but for now I'm going to just apply to places in other cities to see if I would even hear back.  Why?  Well because you never know when an opportunity is going to arise and if it does why not take the chance...what do I have to lose?