Major Life Choices

I've reached a fork in the road in my life, I wish I knew exactly what to do.  I sort of hope that something would fall from the sky, hit me in the head and tell me exactly where to go, what to do and who to turn to along the way for the right answers.  Unfortunately that is not the case, there is no instruction booklet that says "do 'a' and 'b' will be the outcome."  You cannot remotely know what to expect in life.  The past month I have had a series of curve balls thrown at me from left and right field (all at the same time) and I'm not very good with hand-eye coordination.  Seriously I've been hit in the face and upper body region with more baseballs (and all other sports balls) than I care to recall, but I digress.

I am at a point in my life where I am job hunting again.  I have a clean slate and I know that somehow it is a sign to move on, but I don't know if I should straight up look for options in places that are not Ohio or if I should look harder in Ohio.  I have friends who have no problems picking up and moving and I know people who have searched and searched here.  I have an inspiration, someone who has moved regardless of how much it sucks and they have done it twice within the past 12 months, they are chasing their dreams they are making the best of the situation and it just pushes me to be brave.  I wish I could be like that, pick up and go, take a plunge.  I miss my bravery, the girl who had no problem taking on "impossible" challenges from the boys on the playground and who could do a flip on the monkey bars w/o blinking.  Slowly throughout the years I've lost that and I'm not quite sure why.

I'm headstrong, smart and always willing to take on a challenge when posed with an obstacle, but there is something about moving that just freaks me out...the uncertainty, the possibility you'll have to move back home, lonliness?  I don't know what it is but I know I'm not the only one with these fears.  Maybe it's just because I don't know what I want to do...get my master's, pursue a career in an amazing city, change professions (cosmetology has always interested me) but I do love the world of Marketing & Public Relations.

This is how all this thinking makes me feel; goofy & not sure what to caption this pic as.

This writing of course is always very therapeutic to me.  Ever since I can remember I have picked up a journal and a pen when things are troubling me or when I'm excited or in love...oh hell whenever there was something I wanted to keepsake.  I think in due time I'll decide concretely, but for now I'm going to just apply to places in other cities to see if I would even hear back.  Why?  Well because you never know when an opportunity is going to arise and if it does why not take the chance...what do I have to lose?

Shallow or Overly Sensitive?

I'm not sure if this blog post is going to be more ranting or more of a general observation.  I've been noticing lately that people have become so fixated on looks that they have become entirely inconsiderate of the things that come out of their mouths.  I'm not surprised and I don't want to reprimand anyone because people are entitled to their opinion.

I know that media portrays a specific look.  And I know almost every woman sits down and compares herself to Heidi Klum or Megan Fox, those women who turn every head and seem so glamorous and enamored by all.  Don't get me wrong, these women are just that and I am on the same page in thinking they are gorgeous.  But we neglect the other beautiful women just because they are not size 0's that everyone wants to have sex with.

I won't lie she's hott, total girl crush but that's not the point.

Why is it that we don't put girls who are over 120 lbs on magazine covers or feature plus sized models?  Women are beautiful in all aspects, we cannot all be perfect barbie dolls who look like we were manufactured in a factory.  We've made things out to be negative: pale, curvy, too tall, stick figure, freckles, curly hair (I remember when everyone would ask me why I didn't straighten mine every day) etc. etc. there are so many.  Everyone has a beauty.  I'm putting up a picture of Crystal Renn, who is now a plus sized model (size 16) who was a model before and had suffered for many years from an eating disorder so that she would be found attractive.

I truly think she is beautiful. 

The main problem is that we've conditioned ourselves to have a really messed up sense of beauty, to treat women as objects instead of people with feelings.  I'm not saying this is everyone, or that it is an overwhelming majority, it is just something I have noticed recently.  From friends comments, banter between friends, hearsay to Facebook statuses etc. etc.
 
I'm going to just shine a light on the fact that I'm not the thinnest person, but I know that I am pretty. My confidence isn't rock solid, but I am proud of who I am and what I have done in my life.  My heart is always in the right place and I'm consistently looking for ways to make people happy.  However, as much as I hear about all those great things you hear people say "if only she was thinner etc. etc."  I won't deny that I could be in better shape, but I'm not going to starve myself to make someone like me.  I am a strong, stubborn, loving, bubbly and dedicated woman.  I'm going to state that if you don't like it, well then your damn loss because I promise you will not meet someone who does half the things I do.  That is a direct shout out to a few guys of recent, have fun with vapid ladies.

Okay okay, maybe the above statement sounded partially conceited, not my intent but I've been frustrated with people lately.  There is a detrimental aspect to being overly shallow when it comes to getting to know people and mainly it falls under not giving someone the chance to shine and show who they are, but also denying yourself the ability to see the exquisiteness of someone under a pre-concieved, society approved notion of acceptable beauty.  So, in risk of being totally shut down do you think that people are too shallow or that I'm being overly sensitive?

Bye Bye Vegetarianism

I have been a vegetarian for about 4.5 years and starting in February I had been having thoughts of giving it up.  However, I wasn't quite sure how to end something that I had been committed to that long.  When I became a vegetarian I was under insane amounts of stress with school, friends and of course boys.  I couldn't seem to make anyone happy and I had a desire to grasp something that I knew I could solely control and no matter what it wouldn't have an opinion about me.  So I woke up one day and decided I was going to give up meat and become a vegetarian. 

I had this theory that if I could eat better, I would feel better and maybe in some aspect  I would be able to make things around me better as a whole.  I was holding a grudge against someone, I hated my classes and I was just fairly miserable for an entire semester in school, and for some reason this seemed like a good way to pull myself out.

I didn't expect to stay a vegetarian for so long, but I ended up being extremely dedicated to it and researched some great recipes substituted meat for tomatoes and found that I actually like mushrooms (of course I tried them about a thousand times before I decided they were okay.)  So this brings me to the whole point of this post, on Saint Patrick's Day this year I really wanted a corned beef Reuben.  I thought about ordering one at lunch but I was worried I'd get sick and I got a salad instead.  My  coworkers were really rooting for me to break the veggie lifestyle but I couldn't do it.  After work my intern and myself went out to the Winking Lizard in Coventry to celebrate his new job and have a drink and it was there that I finally decided to order my Reuben.  One bite into it's corned beef goodness and I knew I made the right choice.  Let me tell you, you never forget what those things taste like.  I'll still be eating a great deal of veggies but I have decided that I'm going to hang out with the protein again.

So have any of my readers been vegetarian and gone back or have you thought about becoming a vegetarian?  Give me some feedback :)

Peace & High Heels

Revelations

So, I realize that it has been quite awhile since I have posted anything on my blog (not sure if anyone reads this so it may not even matter).  I have had so many revelations about friends recently and I have come to the conclusion that there are just people in your life who make it so much better, those people who even if you lose touch with them for a long time come back like they talked to you yesterday.

I have known the same group of guys for about 5 years now and for the most part it has been a consistent time.  But, every so often one person in the group with fall out or someone will get into a fight which throws the aura of the whole group off.  I just have a personal shout out to Buddy, who I have lost contact with and regained it as though no time had ever been lost quite a few times, but I really prefer when we talk on a frequent basis.  It's nights like tonight where driving to Coventry and watching SVU make you realize just how much a friend means to you.

My life has been so full of amazing people and without them I'm not sure where I would be or how I would have gotten through certain situations both good and bad without them.  So from the bottom of my heart, to each and every friend I have, Thank You. <3

23 Lessons Learned in 23 Years

Today marks the end of my birthday weekend, if you don't celebrate your birthday for at least three days you need to try it.  My actual birthday was on Saturday (Jan. 29) but I celebrated with friends on the 28th, my parents and good friend yesterday and again with my parents today (we had cake).  Anyhow, I turned 23 this year and I cannot say that I feel any different than I did at 22 or even at 21...except maybe not getting as excited to be able to buy wine if I want it.  I want to share the things I've learned over the past 23 years.

1. Regret is a wasted emotion, it is not possible to change what has happened nor to wish it away.  Why would you want to take back something that made you happy in the first place?
2. One should put less stock in what others are thinking of them; the labels, the rumors, the gossip and the cliques of life....they are all short lived and you should let yourself do what makes you happy.
3. Make sure your work means something to you, I for one always want to see my work helping others and working towards a cause.
4. People come and go in your life for multitudes of reasons, be grateful and don't ever let your friends forget you love them.
5. If you find someone in your life that you are in pain without make sure they know your feelings, one day someone else will have told them.
6. Do what you love, if that be working in a coffee shop or obtaining your doctorate, the world is really in your hands.
7. No matter what differences you had growing up, your younger siblings will be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.  My little brother is the best person in the world.
8. Sometimes revisiting your childhood is good for the soul.  If you loved barbies break them out, if you zoomed around with hotwheels zoom around the track again.
9. Your grandparents will not be around forever, take time to sit down and learn their stories.  You'd be surprised what you will hear.
10. People will surprise you everyday of your life, this can be good or bad.
11. Roll with the punches per say.
12. You'll have many heartbreaks in your life.  Learn something from each and everyone of those people.
13. Read the classics; nothing will ever replace a well written book.
14. Take a drive, get lost and learn how to get yourself back.
15. Dogs make the best companions, no matter what mood you're in they just want to sit on your lap.
16. Hate takes more out of the person holding it than the person it is directed towards.
17. You can spend your whole life either wishing to be somewhere else or to go back in time.  Learn to live more in the present.
18. Smile at every person you pass, you might just be the only person to have done so.
19. Dream big.
20. Write letters to people telling them all the things you wish you said, just to put it on paper, but don't send them.
21. Keep a journal.  Write any words that come to your mind.
22. Carry a camera with you always, you never know what you might come across.
23. Start a conversation with a stranger.

23rd Birthday!

And these my readers are some of the things I have learned over the course of my life.  I'm still young so I know these are bound to change and reshape themselves.  I also have no doubt I will add onto them.  Hope someone can take some of these and tweak them to make it their own.

It's Great to Have Friends

I've been in one of those funks where the idea of being around people was not remotely appealing.  And if you know me, this is really a very rare occurrence.  I would much rather be surrounded by a group of my friends at all times then be bored sitting around by myself.

But for reasons I cannot explain I had one of those weeks where I just wanted to cry a little bit and hit the ignore button quite frequently when anyone would call me.  After a particularly tough Friday, idk what it was but I came home in a shaky mood, got into a fight with my dad (which always just makes me sad), got in the car after a close friend convinced me to go out with him and cried because the Jay-Z/Alicia Keys song came on about New York, which is where my best friend lives.

Me and my NYC Bestie circa 2009 <3; being fools

I know...sob, sob, sob, sob, sob.  But, I promise there is a point to this.  My revelation is that after a full week of funky anti-social behavior it was my friends that brought me out of it.  From an hour long phone call with my bestie in NYC to a couple days over the weekend with glasses of wine and movies with a good guy friend, to coffee and games of 10 & 2's at the dirtiest but most frequented coffee shop in the Cle with my friends...I know that I have the best support group whenever I need it and that is something that makes me ecstatic. 

They'll listen to my cry about heartaches, complain about my parents, get angry over frenemies and just be upset when I want to be.  I hope all of my dear readers having people in their life like me, without friends life is pretty much sad and meaningless.  But remember you are allowed to have a week of anti-social behavior here and there :)

It's 2011!!

I know that I'm posting this almost 2 weeks after the fact, but I had another severe case of writers block.  Since the stroke of midnight I've had a lot on my plate, it was like the magical forces of my past had come out and decided to do really strange things to my head.  The one thing I haven't talked about much on my blog, and will probably mostly keep under wraps (unless it is something I have to gush about) is my love life.  However, for the purpose of this blog I will briefly go over it.  On NYE this year my one and only love, a person who I shouldn't love but have never been able to stop, apologized to me for all the junk he put me through.  Slam the breaks, whoa.  I was entirely flabbergasted about this new revelation but I took it in stride.  Now, when one thinks that is the only drama that could come out during a night of champagne and celebrating the new year, you have to be wrong.  Forward a bit past midnight and a former college flame comes out of the woodwork and tells me he wishes I was his NYE kiss, say what??  Then a few other former flames texted me saying they missed me.  I was really confused, but by the end of the night only one thing was chalked up in my mind, since I asked all these people why they never pursued anything further.  The answer?? "You weren't aggressive enough, we had no idea how you felt about us" So from the entire former flame apocalyptic event I learned that my ideas of being really open and flirty were basically undetected by the opposite sex...wow, what a revelation.  So here is where everyone starts talking about their New Years Resolutions!!!

Haha so I wanted to share mine:
1) Become more aggressive, and I mean if I think a guy is cute actually talk to him instead of smiling from the corner.
2) Save money, geeze I'm bad at that...but I want to be able to have a cushion of savings.
3) Move out, I don't enjoy living under the parentals after being away for 4 years
4) Smile everyday, cause smiling is awesome.

That's what I got folks.  What are some of your resolutions?  Do you think it's silly to create them?